UtahCoParents

Divorce Letter

Letter for Divorcing Couples to Send to Families and Friends

Dear ____________________________ ,

            As you may already know, we are getting a divorce. This has been a very difficult time for both of us and the decision to separate was made after much effort was put into our marriage. We both appreciate the support and empathy we have received from so many of you and we hope that you will continue to be supportive to each of us.

            We are both highly committed to our children and have invested much energy into creating a parenting plan that will provide plenty of quality time with both of us. We recognize there will be an adjustment time for both of us and have learned how divorce affects children. The research is very clear that children of divorce do much better in both the short and long term if they continue to have the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. Therefore, we are determined to work hard at being active and involved co-parents. This will require each of us to make sacrifices and compromises we have worked out in our parenting plan. We view each other as important and necessary resources in our children’s lives and not as obstacles or someone to compete with.

The reason we are writing this letter I because we need some favors from you in order to make this work. First, we have learned that bad mouthing the other parent to the children is one of the worst things one can do to a child whose parents are divorcing or divorced. Children view their parents as an extension of their own identity, and that they are part of their mother and their father. When unkind things are said about either parent, it hurts them deeply. So, if you are ever tempted to say something negative about either of us in the presence of the children, please pause and remember how it would feel for our children.

Second, parental conflict is very unsettling for any child. We have made a commitment to each other to put forth a good faith effort and respect the other parent. We are getting a divorce to solve a situation that was not working and we don’t want our children to be exposed to any more conflict. They are the victims in this unfortunate situation we want to protect them from any of our conflicts. In the past if we made mistakes and allowed the children to see us arguing, we have since apologized to them. We have also made a commitment to work out any differences peacefully and in an adult manner, using a mediator or parent coordinator if needed.

Third, we want to be good role models for our children.  We all suffer losses, but our growth will come in how we handle these painful situations. We want to demonstrate to them that people can end relationships in one sense and shift the relationship to something different. Instead of the intimate partners we once were, we are showing them that we can be cordial, kind, and businesslike when necessary. This will help them as they grow and establish their own relationships.

We want to thank you for your love, concern and willingness to accept our decisions. We know that you may also be in pain watching our family change like this and we are sorry that our decision may disappoint or hurt you.

There is no need to take sides in this divorce because we are siding with each other as divorcing parents. We did not enter into our marriage with the expectation that we would end up divorced, but things happen. It is complicated and hard for everyone.

We truly hope that you can understand and respect our feelings and desires. This would mean a lot to us and please don’t be offended that we have send this same letter to many of you. Since the emotional challenge of divorcing is so exhausting, we felt this letter would be the most efficient way of reaching so many of you who are close to our hearts.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,

________________________________________                ________________________________________